


Covert Assistance

by firewolfsg



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Boss/Employee Relationship, Drug Addiction, Friendship, Gen, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4738112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid isn’t as alone as he had thought in his struggles with his Dilaudid addiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Covert Assistance

**Author's Note:**

> References made to:  
> Episode 3x02 - In Name and Blood  
> Episode 3x11 - 3rd Life  
> Episode 3x15 - Elephant’s Memory
> 
> Words in Italics taken from Episode 3x15 - Elephant’s Memory

Upon coming to the door of Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner's office, Reid could see that the man's attention was on a case file. He hesitated a slight moment before knocking, after all, it had been Hotch who summoned him. However, right this moment, having a one on one with his Unit Chief was the last thing Reid wanted to do.

While Gideon had not offered much overt support in helping Reid to kick his Dilaudid habit, the fact that someone on the team knew about it actually helped Reid to stay away from the temptation of the needle. With the Senior Profiler gone, however....

"Reid, come in."

It was a shock to Reid that Hotch was already at his elbow and gesturing him towards the couch in his office; He hadn't even noticed that the man had closed the case file to get up and walk to him. Was his senses so muddled? He hadn't taken a hit that weekend, though he had been sorely tempted to.

"Y-- you wanted to see me." Reid sat rigidly even as his eyes tracked Hotch's movement in the office; watching as the man shut and locked his door and stepped over to the desk to take up a yellow sticky note pad before approaching the couch.

"Relax, you're not in trouble. I just wanted to follow up on something Gideon was doing for me. I was concerned that he wasn't finished."

Reid gulped. That there was as much a confession as Hotch would ever give him that the Unit Chief knew about his drug problem and the steady look Hotch gave him confirmed it.

"It was Gideon's suggestion that he handle this since I couldn't." Hotch admitted though he left unspoken the consequences they had all been avoiding. That as Unit Chief, Hotch couldn't explicitly know as he would then have no recourse but to fire Reid if he had evidence that he had a drug habit.

"Morgan wanted to be the one to talk to you." Hotch told Reid softly as he took the seat facing him, close enough that either could reach a hand over to touch if they wanted to. "But I told him to let Gideon do his thing with you first."

"How lo--?"

Hotch interrupted him quickly, "You're surrounded by experienced profilers, Reid. There may be a moratorium on intra team profiling, but I'm your Unit Chief and you forget the environment Derek grew up in. We could see-- we could see you."

Reid looked away, both touched and fearful about how careful Hotch was with his words. He also had to admit to being utterly mortified by how badly he had handled matters; that so many of his colleagues knew about his addiction. That he hadn't managed to keep them as oblivious as he'd hoped.

"Reid?"

He jerked his head to look up and straight into Hotch's eyes where the concern the man felt for him fairly burned into Reid. "Gideon left you very suddenly; what he was doing for you? Was it unfinished?"

Reid chewed on his bottom lip. 'And how?!' He wanted to say but didn't dare. The cravings had started again the moment he entered the silent cabin before he even found the letter Gideon left for him.

Out of spite, Reid could have taken a hit then. After all, he still carried the bottle and needles with him everywhere. He had resisted though. He had resisted the urge for nearly five weeks now. However, Reid knew himself. He knew that doing this alone without support-- He wouldn't be strong enough-- not right now--

"Reid. You're not alone." Hotch told him gently, reminding Reid that he was currently sitting on a couch in his Unit Chief's office.

He bit his lip nearly hard enough to make himself bleed, but he held himself together. Reid was determined not to brawl in front of Hotch. It was unfair, Gideon... He was so angry with Gideon.

His abandonment had hurt and hit so much harder than Reid wanted to acknowledge. He felt his trust betrayed by the man he'd allowed into his heart like a father figure to replace the man who walked out on him and his mother...

"You're not alone, Reid." Hotch spoke again, though this time the man had reached over to grip his hand. "You don't have to be alone."

Reid almost startled to feel the sticky smooth touch of a notepaper pressed between their grips. He looked up to meet Hotch's eyes again.

"There's a movie that I think you should see." Hotch told him as he released his hand, leaving the paper in Reid's palm.

A tiny glance at the concealed paper made Reid quirk an eyebrow, but he quickly understood the context of Hotch's words. And it made Reid's eyes burn when he realised what this meeting had been all about.

"It's a good movie, so it'll be worth going to again and again." Hotch lifted an eyebrow at him. "You'll probably meet a lot of other folks who would welcome you to talk about what you've seen and experienced."

"I-- Thanks, Hotch..."

"Will you be all right about Gideon?"

Reid unobtrusively tucked the paper into a pocket as he took a deep breath before meeting Hotch's eyes again. "It hurt when I found the letter. It still hurts to understand that he-- that he as good as abandoned us. But I'm also angry with Gideon for walking out on us like this and for what it's also done to you."

"To me?" Hotch gave him a startled look.

"He was your *friend*, Hotch. You were close, but he didn't say anything to you before he left."

Hotch let out a long sigh. "No fair deflecting, Reid. And yes, I guess I am more angry than hurt about Gideon too."

They grinned at each other. Their mutual understanding over Gideon didn't need to be voiced. The matter could be closed.

"Hotch, thanks for this." Reid came to his feet. He had a sense there was little else needed to be said between them and he did want to check on the information Hotch had discretely passed to him.

"You're welcome, Reid." Hotch came to his feet with him too and moved unhurriedly back to his desk. "Do let me know if the movie is good enough? I can always recommend another if it's not to your liking."

"Thanks. Really-- thanks, Hotch." Reid's eyes burned again as his hand closed on the doorknob of Hotch's office. "I'll-- I will check this out at the next showing, if I can."

"Good to hear, Reid." Hotch told him from behind his desk. "And Reid, if you need to talk about-- other concerns, my door is always open too, you know?"

"I know-- and I appreciate it, Hotch. Thank you."

*~*~*~*

It was all about discretion. Beltway Clean Cops was exactly what Reid needed. However, knowing what he needed to do and actually putting thought to deed took a longer time than Reid expected. The days and weeks he'd put it off made Reid feel shameful for his procrastination.

Neither Hotch nor Morgan said anything about it to him though. At least Reid now knew better to be more careful and to consciously avoid bringing attention upon himself that might put his senior colleagues in a spot which would lead to his termination.

For a while, Reid actually thought he could cope on his own. However, he eventually realised that he needed a true commitment to a path of healing and he knew that being a part of Beltway Clean Cops could give him a focus group with which he could mark his successes. In addition, there was the case when he failed to convince a victim's father not to kill the unsub and it left Reid witness to a teenager's death. The cravings had started again almost immediately.

As it turned out, his first attendance at this support group was a wash because of a case. However, Dir-- John had been a revelation.

Reid had been surprised to meet an FBI director at the meeting, which made him wonder if Hotch knew they would meet. The man even lent Reid his first year coin to hold until he got his own. This unexpected support meant more to Reid than he thought possible.

The case though... Reid knew that he had disappointed Hotch. His Unit Chief had been furious with him for his reckless stunt of putting himself in the line of fire to talk down a teenage unsub, and in the process endangering the supporting  LEOs and their team. Fortunately for Reid, even when he was angry, Hotch always tried to be understanding too.

_"What were you thinking?"_

_"I was thinking that that would have been the second time a kid died in front of me."_

_"You're keeping score, just like Owen."_

_"It was my turn to save one."_

_"It doesn't work like that."_

_"It should."_

_"I know it's painful when the person you identify with is the bad guy."_

_"What's that make me?"_

_"Good at the job."_

That statement surprised Reid. He was further thrown even more off balanced with Hotch's following words as the man got up to leave.

_"I know it's none of my business, But when we land, I think you should go and catch the rest of that movie."_

And in that instance Hotch's earlier words came to him again. 'You're not alone, Reid. You don't have to be alone.'

Oh-- his addiction-- that wasn't his only hang up... The Beltway Clean Cops-- this was a venue for people in law enforcement to discretely find support with battling their addictions. However, Reid realised then that it was also a venue for him to seek advice and support for issues he faced in life and in their cases that he didn't want to bring back to his colleagues; the very same types of issues, which had driven him to bury himself in a Dilaudid addiction in the first place.

Hotch was right. Reid understood that now. Even if he felt shy about seeking help from his own team, there was support to be found as long as he trusted and was willing to reach for the hands held out to him too.

His Unit Chief's supportive squeeze upon his shoulder as he left shook Reid from his thoughts, prompting him to take out the coin John had given him. Yes, he owed it to himself to embrace the program in a proper conclusive path towards healing.

Hotch was right; he wasn't alone and he didn't have to be alone. He just had to make that conscious choice of acceptance to receive the help he needed.

Despite the revelation he'd come to though, Reid was under no delusion that the path he was now committed to embark on would be easy. He knew that he would face many a struggle. However, with the support and understanding Hotch was quite explicitly offering, Reid realised that he was going to be okay. His Unit Chief-- his team-- his friends were watching out for him even through his own stubbornness, and Reid knew that he didn't want to disappoint them again either.

The End

Thanks for reading,

firewolf


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